Black Bubblegum
by Everintruiged
Summary: She just wanted sex. He couldn’t resist her – both his hormones and his heart. A story about falling in love without wanting to, and having your heart broken when it wasn’t meant to.
1. Prologue: Black Bubblegum

_She just wanted no strings sex. He couldn't resist her – both his hormones and his heart. A story about falling in love without wanting to, and having your heart broken when it wasn't meant to._

**Inspired by a friend and a teacher. Mature. It's a new story, and hopefully, my writing isn't as awful as it was before.**

**Prologue: Black Bubblegum**

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She walked in, backless hippie shirt and open neckline. The lights just seemed to illuminate the ink on her shoulder blade, and a wisp of black at her hip. Confidence emanated from her, but she wasn't intimidating… just rather _sexy_. Tight jeans, loose green on top and the most worn-out chucks I had ever seen on such shapely legs. Long and lithe, brown-haired goddess – and she was mine. In a way. In a way just enough to satisfy.

Bella plopped down in the seat I had reserved for her, an ungraceful mess of trying to place her bag, take her notebooks out and sit cross legged all at the same time. I straightened her out, and she breathed a laugh, soft eyes and even softer tones. After falling back, long brown hair sweeping across the back of her chair and my arm, "Hi Edward."

Despite the attraction and the sudden weakness of my knees, I managed to converse some kind of generic greetings – reading her lips for her thoughts, but unable to read her mind. It was terrifying, interesting and wonderful. I had known Bella since she was an awkward strange girl, preferring to play with my Power Rangers than playing Barbie. She stole my Hot Wheel cars and mutilated them into something unrecognizable, and learned piano first before I even took an interest in it. Bella knew me so well, and she could read me like a book, knowing almost what to say at the right time. I liked her humour, her bluntness, how she acted so tough, when she's really the most insecure person. She's not gorgeous, like supermodel stunning – but more of just like… bubblegum. Comforting and sweet, solace and annoyance but delicious.

I felt a sudden jab in my ribs, and noticed Bella elbowing me to pay attention to the professor, who's a radical, cool professor – white streaks lining her dark brown hair, but can't compete with the striped tights and pink running shoes. Morgan commands a room with just a gaze, smiles enough to make you enjoy the class and put you at ease but has that air of intelligence and authority to make sure you damn well stay on her good student list.

I shrugged, pretending not to care and trying to pull off the whole 'whatever' attitude, but while my eyes were on the clock, my ears were on the teacher.

"Seriously Edward, you can't pull that whole slouch thing, Esme drilled posture into you as a child, and you seriously think two years of so-called independence is going to change that? Sit the fuck up and copy the notes," she hissed, irritated and flushed, rolling eyes and disapproving voice.

I smirked, I never needed to copy notes, I had a photographic memory, and enough understanding to make it through the year. I wouldn't do excellent, but I could pull a passing mark easily.

"Just copy the notes for me, please? You know I can't study the notes I write – they're hardly legible."

Sighing, I knew that somehow I would end up writing notes during the lecture, if not for my own benefit, but for Bella, but I couldn't give up so easily. I closed my eyes and stretched my neck leisurely, keeping the smirk on my face. "Just type it out then."

I couldn't see it, but I could feel her annoyed glare, "I get too caught up in the grammatical errors and shit when I type and miss out too much. Please, Edward. You'll end up doing it anyway, we both know that."

"Fine." I could never deny her anything, and I'm pretty sure she knew that.

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**Most likely to be continued, but will not be updated until I hit at least 4 chapters in reserve.**

**I'm under the delusion that people will review. Humour me.**


	2. Why are they called 'good' mornings?

**Did I mention that I give out teasers in reply for reviews? **

**And, clearly, I'm too impatient to wait until I have a reserve of chapters until I update. I'm sorry?**

**This chapter deserves the M rating, I believe.**

**Chapter 1, Why are they called 'Good Mornings'?**

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"We should just have sex with each other, Edward."

"Uh huh," I mumbled, half-listening, half wishing and one-third tired. Bella always said that at least once a week, when we binged on pizza and beer and watching some crappy movie that Bella always chooses – mostly because I let her, and mostly because I just really don't care.

She sits on the small space of couch that I'm not sprawled out on, and shakes me on the shoulders. I'm eye level with her chest and just smile lazily, perfectly content with the view. Bella covers herself once she realizes and gives me a dry stare, and all of a sudden, her teasing modesty is now tinged with seriousness and shy, "No really, Edward. It's been five months, because Garrett just had to fall in love with Katie. Besides, it's not like anything else is enough." I'm vaguely aroused, just from the topic of conversation, but mainly because I would like to know about the 'anything else' that she mentions.

It was a pity about Garrett, though. He was a decent guy, cool enough to get me tickets to concerts, but nerdy enough to sing along to John Lennon. He was good for Bella, and he was the one who was genuine and kind enough to deal with all the virginity shit for her.

Bella's still serious, and it looks solemn and sad, which I don't like on her pretty face, so I turn my attention to her – ignoring the dizzy that I get. "Edward, we should just do it. I mean, we've been through the most embarrassing things with each other… this shouldn't be too complicated. We'll be just the same, just friends, except you and I fuck sometimes – just enough, ya know?..."

She's rambling and going on and on, and while the blush looks lovely, I really don't want to miss the nude scene Rachel McAdams does on the screen, so I stop her. "Sure. No problem, you know I can't turn down those offers, but we need to ease into it."

Bella pauses, kind of surprised at my sudden acceptance. She peers closely at me, warm sweet breath tingling my face. "I'm not joking, Bella." And I'm not. Because, it'd be great to have sex with Bella. We're good friends, not best friends anymore, but we used to be. Her period had leaked onto my jacket before and I had thrown up on her shoes, so it's cool. We'd totally make it through this 'friends with benefits' without the fucked up shit that usually happens.

She nods, smile lighting up her cheeks and eyes and she doesn't look the least bit drunk to me, except for her sparkling eyes. "What do you mean ease up to it, though?"

It's my turn to give her a dry stare, but my facial features are too loose from alcohol and I think it turned out weird. "Well, I'm certainly not going to stick my dick into you right now. We need to somehow prepare ourselves, so it's not literally touch, come and go."

Bella smiles and agrees, and then suddenly the unsure look appears. _What now? _This is getting kind of awkward now, and I hate that, because we've never had awkward conversations until now. I wait.

She can't handle the tension and blurts into the silence, "But, this won't change anything, right? I mean, I like you as a friend Edward, a great friend – but I don't think I could stand you if we were any closer."

"Well, hate to break it to you, but in order for this to work, I'm going to be quite a bit closer, hon."

She gives an exasperated sigh, and I smile, because annoying her is always fun and just so easy to do, "You know what I mean."

I nod, "Yeah, I do. And, don't worry; I won't fall head over heels for you." And I wouldn't – the notion was just laughable. I don't think I could fall in love with a girl who had flashed her underwear to the whole world when she was eight, or someone that I played Star Wars with rulers as light sabers when we were little. We were friends, and I would never want to jeopardize that, because she's always been there.

I could never live without bubblegum, and I'm perfectly satisfied. I would never ask for anything more.

After we get drunk enough to tumble into bed with each other, I should've bitten back my tongue. Bella's just so fucking adorable, squinty-eyed and nose twitching, I almost want to kiss her senseless.

So I do.

But then her moans drive me insane, hands clawing, and suddenly I'm shirtless and pressed against her body, separated only by a thin tank top that she's wearing. I notice her arms are kind of rough and covered in goose-bumps, and after way too long, realize that she must be freezing – I always had the habit of stealing the sheets at night.

We didn't sleep together, well, not figuratively. Literally, we did. As in she's in the bed with me and spent the night. I wonder if maybe we should've just fucked, because I have morning wood and cloudy sleepiness distorting my judgement, because with her soft body rubbing against me in all the right places, gentle and not enough friction for me to get anything out of it, but only fluttering heartbeats and eyelashes… I'm already breathing quite heavily and try to control myself, since she's asleep… and I just can't fuck her while she's sleeping.

It sucks. I lie back in the bed, not wanting to move _from_ the bed, but moreso _on _the bed, and grab Bella and have my way with her. I can't, because I love this torture of tender touches and I never want it to stop. I clench the sheets and shut my eyes, ignoring the luminescent skin I know that's there that's begging to be touched… the line of stomach with her tank top riding up, and I throw the blanket over her, covering everything except for those delicate shoulders, curved exactly to fit… and that neck to nibble on… _fuck!_

It really is too early in the morning. I groan, because her legs curl around mine, as she tries to get closer. I swallow hard, the breaths getting harder and harder to keep quiet and I can't understand why we're waiting or fucking easing into something that's clearly going to benefit us both so very much. A thin tank top, a bra, probably some panties and some very loose and easy to get off pyjama pants are all that separate a very naked and warm body from mine. _It's been too long of abstinence. _I inhale sharply as I realize this, and squeeze my eyes, and don't dare let go of the sheets that are twisted underneath my fingers, because if I let go – I don't think I can be held responsible for my actions.

Her body arches and comes into contact with my groin and chest much more forcefully than I could ever anticipate and I don't think I can resist the taunting temptation that's half lying on top of me and her wet lips and breath are so close to my ear, and I swear to god – she's going to lick my earlobe and I'm going to explode.

She doesn't, unfortunately, but I imagine she does – and a whole lot of other things, that makes me want her even more than I can stand. The heat is steaming off her body onto mine and I just need her closer.

I launch myself off the bed, and dive into the bathroom, turning the shower as cold as it will go. I'm pretty sure I knocked Bella off of me pretty roughly, but I cannot go back and check on that irresistible girl in my current condition, so I take the quickest shower of my life, praying that I don't catch hypothermia, dress in some frilly but super-soft robe that's surprisingly warm and check on the adorable woman in my bed.

She's still sleeping soundly, hair and arm draped across her face, and I swear she's flexing her ass in her sleep, because it just looks too damn good.

I always knew I couldn't resist Bella, her eyes were too innocent and too pleading, her face too persuasive and responsive. I just assumed that I'd never lose control over her body.

I turn away from the very inviting notion of going back to bed and turn to the kitchen instead. I know this situation is pretty fucked, but food has always been known to make things better.

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**Thanks for reading this far, now review for me? **


	3. Gotta love KD!

**I'm going to try and aim for two updates every week. No promises though.**

**Review for me, okay? I do love hearing feedback, it's why I post.**

**We see Alice in this chapter!**

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**Chapter 2, Gotta love KD!**

I go into the kitchen, and looking at the clock on the microwave, and realize just how early it really is. I make a home-cooked breakfast for Bella, knowing that girl would be starving after she woke. I made Kraft Dinner on the stove, and remembered to throw in a new toothbrush on to the bathroom counter before I settled into the living room. Paper, a pizza boxes, tissues and various other things lie across the floor, making my small apartment seem even more crowded. Compulsively, from my mother's upbringing, I clean everything up and then return to my beloved KD and stick it into the microwave, cooling, but ready to be heated with the push of a button when Bella wakes up.

I settle into the couch, and I realize that I can't distract or deny what had happened with Bella. I sit up and speed dial my sister, instead of my best friend, which is so pathetic and sad that I can't focus on that right now. Alice thankfully picks up, even though it's an ungodly hour – 4:30am – and she sounds concerned and worried from the first 'Hello'.

"Hey Edward, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I mumble, how do you tell your older sister that you're horny?

Luckily, Alice is good and just waits patiently on the line, and I hate holding the phone to my ear looking like an idiot so I just say what's wrong… everything, from Bella's drunken revelation and my own situation this morning.

"And what do you want me to do, Edward?"

I stare back at the phone, kind of surprised at her question, because that's supposed to be my line. She's almost 30, and she's a girl and she should know these things!

Alice sighs and huffs at the comment I accidentally said aloud, "For the record, Edward. I'm only 29, and I do not know everything! But, since you called me at four in the morning, you probably have an idea of what I can do to fix this stupid mess that you got yourself into."

I'm suddenly ashamed, and I feel really guilty, firstly because Alice always has a way of making people sympathise with her, and secondly, because she's right.

"Well, maybe you could scope out a guy for Bella? You know her almost as well as I do, I'm sure you'll find someone."

"Yes Edward, I'm going to go on campus and find a fucking 20 year old man and convince him to go on a date… not with me, but with a friend!"

Her temper scares me, but I realize that I always treasure my sleep too, so I get it, and I need her to do this for me, so I suck it up and get the grief. I also know that Alice has no one, no boyfriend or anything and maybe she wanted to go out looking for men herself. "Please Alice. You look like you're the same age as I am, which for the record, is twenty-_one_, and you have that way with people, of making people just listen to you and do favours for you, because you're… you, Alice."

It wasn't the most eloquent persuasion, but it would work. Her dramatic huff and then hanging up of the phone meant she agreed, but she just didn't want to say the words.

I smiled. Setting up Bella with someone else means I could get out of this confusing mess.

I lie back on the couch and after making sure every thing is turned off, I close my eyes. The next thing I know, Bella's asking me, "Is that macaroni and cheese I smell?"

Bella appears in my living room, heading towards the kitchen, and I dart up and heat up the pasta. I think I'm actually turning insane, because I never noticed the red highlights in her hair, before – and I do now, and I think it looks awesome and great and so sensual and seductive and I know that it ends so that it grazes her nipples and…

_Shit. _

I smile at Bella, concentrating really hard to make sure I keep my eyes on her eyes, and not anywhere else, and making sure that I don't look like the creepy pervert I feel like right now. But, luckily, the nap I took on the couch evidently did me some good, because I rationalize that obviously it's normal that I'm attracted to the girl who I'm going to be having sex with.

I sit at the kitchen table now, and she sits across from me, choking down the gunk of unnatural yellowy orange food that I've made her. She's trying to hide her face of disgust, but she's not doing it very successfully.

I laugh, "You know, if you don't want to, you don't have to eat it."

She looks at me with wide eyes and feigns confusion, "What do you mean? What's not to love about processed shit and ghastly food colouring?"

I'm speechless, because that processed shit is good. I live off that. "No, really. If you don't like it, you could just throw it out. Make yourself at home and all that hospitality stuff I'm supposed to say."

Bella shakes her head, "Sorry. I just... feel kinda awkward, and you know, we're not that close anymore, and you were nice enough to make me breakfast, so I thought I had to eat it."

I collect her bowl and look at the clump of grain I'm holding – instead of looking at Bella. I want to scold her and tell her not to be silly and ask her what kind of nonsense she's spewing at me… but I get it. It_ is_ strange. Bella's been over at my house before, but it was never just the two of us, and certainly never in this intimate atmosphere of eating breakfast. It is awkward. I'm still staring at the yellow pasta, and even though I've been eating it for years, I only realize now just how abnormal the colour really is.

--

I don't know what to say or do around Bella anymore. I mean, she felt dirty and wanted to take a shower, and while she wanted to go back home, I don't know why I was trying to convince her to stay, but I did convince her, so she stayed, so I let her use the bathroom and all I could hear was the water running while I was washing the dishes. The lemon scented dishwasher soap makes me think.

It hits me right now how complicated this whole situation is… it's abso-fucking-lutely insane. But, I don't want to get out of this. I want to stay right here and be in this 'friends with benefits' thing.

Clearly, if other relationships have never filled that missing thing I've always had, maybe this relationship would.

I remember begging Alice to find another guy for Bella, but I realize I don't want her to. I want to try this thing out with Bella, and I want to see what happens, because I have enough faith in our friendship that it'll last through this. I don't know how to break the news to Alice, because if I'm giving myself whiplash, then I don't even want to recognize how I'm abusing my sister. It's so hard, though. I know that this morning, it was the worst thing I could think of that could endanger our friendship, but now, it doesn't seem so bad. I suppose I was disoriented this morning but I am so fucking confused that it's not even funny.

Do I want to fuck Bella? Yes. Yes I do. Of course I do.

_Will_ I fuck Bella? Yes. Yes I will. Of course I will.

Are we going to be okay? Yes. Yes we will. Of course we'll be okay.

Now, if only I could convince myself… everything would be fucking peachy.

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**It's supposed to be confusing, our boy is heading towards conflicting emotions, wanting to be thoughtful, and wanting to fuck. **

**Under the delusion that people will review… Humour me?**


	4. Will you be ready?

**Enjoy this chapter. I think it's quite significant, but maybe I went a little overboard with the 'metaphor' thing I was trying to pull off.**

**Forgive me, and know that I am still learning.**

**Chapter 3, Will you be ready?**

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Bella comes out of the shower, towel wrapped around her, hair wet and steam coming off of her and I swear to god she's trying to torture me, because she's looking like _that_, and she's asking me if I have any extra clothes. But that's it okay if I don't.

Then, I realize that her question is perfectly and completely valid and it totally makes sense, but still… she's teasing me, flouncing with the towel and nothing else. I nod and give her one of my shirts that are a bit snug on me, and while I'm searching for bottoms for her, Bella laughs and says that her jeans are fine.

She turns around and heads back into the bathroom to change, and I see the tattoo on her shoulder blade, a crisp and clear 'Marie' as the day she got it.

--

We're at the tattoo parlour, and it's bright lights and clean and really classy and organized shit. We've been waiting for a few hours for the lady to finish the template for Bella, and the lady's doing mine by hand.

Her cell buzzes, but Bella doesn't make a move to answer, so I do it for her, knowing it's Renee. "Has it started? Are you getting it yet? How are you faring, babes?" I chuckle at the nickname that Renee's had for Bella for as long as she remembers.

The motherly disappointment colours her tone as she realizes it's just me. "Oh, hi Edward."

Bella's nervous as hell, so I figure giving the phone to her might not be such a good idea because she's probably going to throw up on it.

"Hey Mrs. Swan," and I try to answer all the questions she's asked, "No, she's not in the chair yet, but she will be in a few minutes, and Bella looks really nervous, but she's totally sure that she wants to do this."

Renee mutters something to Charlie, who I assume is there next to her, "Damn. I wish I was there for her, stupid teenagers and their independence streak… I got my first tattoo with my parents, and it wasn't 'lame'."

I whisper to Bella, "Yeah, both of them are still pissed you didn't let them come with you."

Bella's still not very reactive, but she nods slightly, a bit smirking at her parents' silliness, so I know she heard and not too far gone in the fear.

I'm actually confused myself why I'm sitting here with her. Usually, it'd be Angela or Ben or Garrett here… but here I am. Then again, I know Bella wanted to do this independently, wanting to start off her rebellion streak, which really doesn't make sense since Charlie and Renee are completely okay with it. But, anyhow, I know I was imposing myself on Bella, and pleaded her to bring me along, because I have the radical notion in my head that getting a tattoo is what I want. Right now. I don't even know how Esme or Carslile will react, but I don't want to think about that right now. So I don't.

Looking at Bella's green expression, I think she's glad, though, that she brought me along to this way too brightly lit parlour.

I exchange more words with Renee, and then Charlie, who dares me not to make a sound when I get mine, and I take the wager. Because I'm a stupid idiot. The conversation only lasts for a few minutes since the cute artist is coming out and needs to get Bella ready. I hang up and give her back the cell, while Bella gets up.

"Why are you getting Marié on your shoulder, Bella? Shouldn't you be getting some Rhianna stars or butterflies or shit?" I slur, but she gets it, and besides, I'm still an eloquent ass when drunk.

"I'm getting Marié for my grandmother, Edward. You know that. Besides, you're the one getting a fucking tree."

I laugh, because it totally makes sense to have a tree. I don't know why, but it does. It just has to be some kind of plant or nature shit. I wasn't about to get a flower or an apple or something equally strange, but I liked this tree. I saw it on the portfolio of the tattoo artist I was checking out, and it looked cool.

Now, my girl's in pain with messed up hair and arm gripping mine, swearing and pinching and just squeezing the fuck out of my arm. I'm kind of pissed, but I don't know how to wrench my arm away from the girl without breaking her heart, and Bella's damn scary when she's pissed so I don't dare to even try. I distract her, "So tell me again why you're getting your grandmother's name?"

I should probably know this, in fact, I most likely do. I just forget. She rolls her eyes and huffs out a huge breath, but the grip on my arm lessens, so I urge her to continue talking.

"Because when I think of my grandmother, I think of cigar smoke and laughing, gardening and toppling of pine trees during Christmas. She always smelled like gingerbread cookies mixed with god awful perfume and wood, but I liked it. She could cook a mean lasagne, but desserts were completely lost on her…" Bella's rambling on, eyes a bit dazed, as I think she's remembering her Grans. I never felt close with Grans, she was just always _there_ – but when she died, I realized how much I missed her, and how much she meant to me. Hers was the only funeral I've cried during the ceremony.

Bella's still talking, but I don't mind, because it almost muffles completely the terrifying buzz of the needle that's working on her back. "She was adventurous and so full of life. Do you get it? Do you see it, Edward?"

I'm kind of reminiscing too, and as I look at her face, so serious and stressed, I answer, "Yeah." I see fire and spark, a boldness and courage with that insecure creeping fear. I see the woman daring to speak her mind, but knows when to hold her tongue. I'm staring deep into her eyes now, "I get it, Bella. I see it."

I almost want to expand on it, and but then the artist that's going to work on me is ready and I go get the tree tattooed on the arm that Bella's turned all numb. I forget my train of thought completely as nerves take over me, and I sit in the chair, expecting the worse. Then, I remember because of the bet with Charlie, I can't make a noise. Damn.

--

I'm looking at my forearm, where the tree is, and I like it. I don't regret it at all. At the time, I swore every name in the bible, even though, really, as I tell people now, that it was nothing, and it really felt like a cat scratching you over and over again. Bella's the only one who actually knows how I reacted… and even then, she took the tattooing better than I did.

That, and I was afraid that the tattoo lady was going to mess up. I mean, Bella had a template, and I… didn't. Because, I didn't want one. There was something about not having a template that added to the spontaneous decision. I like it, though, and if I had enough guts like Bella did, I would get another one. But I don't.

I guess I realize just how much more fearless Bella is, ready to get into something. Though, I guess I'm just as bad either, agreeing to anything as long as I get the thrill. It's either bravery or just plain stupidity. Naturally, though, Bella knows for sure that she wants a tattoo… she had planned it all out, asked her parents, checked out the artists… I just went along with it. I wonder what would've happened if the tattoo had gone wrong, but I probably would've dealt with it, maybe try and pass it off as some kind of manly scar. I actually don't know. I never really try to think that far ahead.

Does this mean that Bella's prepared? For anything? For any of the consequences? Did she plan it when she asked me to agree to this sex thing? Was Bella prepared for _this_?

I take too long in my whole 'reflection' and flashback to the past moment, that I see Bella sitting on the couch and flipping through the channels with the television remote, waiting for me to get my shit figured out.

She notices I'm done, clicks off the TV. "Sorry," I say, "I guess I just spaced out there."

"No problem. It's good to see you using your head for once," she teases, and she doesn't ask me what I'm thinking, because she just knows that I don't want to share my thoughts yet. She gets it.

"Ready to go, though, Eddie? It's time for school," and she says it with a smile so sure and confident that I can only nod and follow her out the door, locking it afterwards.

She's so positive and certain that I feel totally safe and knows nothing can go wrong, because Bella's thought about this.

Was Bella prepared for this?

Looking at her press the elevator button impatiently – furrowed eyebrows in impatience.

Yes. She was.

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	5. Falling Out

**Look, an update after 3 days! Or 4, depending on where you are.**

**By the way, I write from flashes of inspiration and random ideas – in other words, I'm winging it. **

**Enjoy.**

**Chapter 4, Falling out **

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Weekend's starting early, because both Bella and I don't have classes on Friday, and because we're fucking losers, we're just not doing anything, just walking around. Originally, Bella was going to hang out with Ben and Angela and Garrett and Katie, but it's been hard since they're all double dating and Bella's... not.

We bumped into each other at the mall, me trying to buy something for my mother because I know it's an important occasion in a month or so, and while I don't know what's exactly so special about it, I'm buying it early in case I forget. That, or if I happen to piss her off, it's always good to have some sort of apology gift on hand.

I'm in Chapters, the big ass bookstore, and in the gardening/housing/reno/DIY section. It's just so complicated to pick a few. In the end, I get a whole package of books in a series that pertain to doing woodwork in the backyard… stuff with porches and decks and shit that I know Esme will enjoy and Carlisle will think is useless. That's okay, though. The present's not for my father.

It's there I find Bella thumbing a big glossy book with gardening, and that's… weird, because while I don't know her too well, but I do know that Bella has no interest in weeding flowers. I spy the back of her book, with the blurb thingy and I read a few lines from it, _Growing flowers is simple in theory, but not in real life. You need to rake it, plant it… _and a whole lot of other bullshit.

I skip to something else more interesting.

We talk. She ditches her friends. We're still at the mall and I get a phone call from Alice, saying that she and Jasper are at Faren, some pathetic record store with a really cute cashier girl. She's telling me that she's getting something for Carlisle, because she really is a daddy's girl and asking me what I should get. I'm confused because Alice knows these things better than I do, but then, I realize that she knows that I'm at the mall anyway, and wants me to join her so I can meet the Jasper dude.

Catching on, I say, "Listen, we're near Faren anyway, why don't we just meet you there?"

"We?"

"Oh, Bella's with me."

"Perfect!"

She gets it and hangs up with a squeal, probably because Jasper did something absolutely adorable.

I hang up and Bella's overheard our conversation and says, "Edward, we're on the opposite side to go to Faren."

I explain to the confused brown-eyes that Alice wants me to meet Jasper, without telling Bella that Jasper is the lucky ass guy that's going to be dating her in the future. Alice had found Jasper during her 'cougar hunt' and I know that Alice has been wanting to play matchmaker, between the two. She's been all excited over the Southern dude, so I know he's good enough for Bella.

She laughs and just shakes her head, but agrees to go to Faren with me, completely unsuspecting with what we're setting her up with.

We're at Faren, and I see a tall guy with blonde hair and Alice beside him, pointing to a record. I bring Bella over to them, and I get some cool vibes from Jasper already and I'm smiling quite genuinely, until I see Jasper's arm wrap around my sister.

I don't know if it's brotherly protective instinct, or the fact that I'm so fucking confused… Jasper was supposed to be with Bella! Alice probably notices, so she somehow creates a diversion and drags me away, but still making sure that Jasper and Bella aren't awkward strangers around each other. I don't know how, I wasn't paying attention because my sister is biting her lip guiltily.

_Why do girls do that? It fucking ruins their lips._

"Edward, I can explain."

I'm waiting for her to continue, and I know we're in public so I don't say anything.

"You see, I was hunting around campus, and he thought I was lost or something and he asked me what I was looking for. I absentmindedly answered him that I was looking for a man for a date, and he introduces himself as Jasper. We go out for coffee, at Starbucks, and he orders the same Macchiato I do …"

And she goes on and on and on.

I'm still mad at my sister, but I see the spark in her eyes and the love in her voice, so I can't really say anything, because I just haven't seen my sister so… damn _happy_ before. I know that Jasper's good for her, so I relent.

"Okay. Alice, I get it."

"Do you? Because, I really do like him, I think I love him… even though it's a bit soon, but he feels right. He makes me so content and…"

And off she goes again.

She finally stops and she returns to Jasper while me and Bella leave with equally bewildered expressions. I know mine's a more 'what the fuck am I going to do since _that _didn't work' face, while hers is more of a 'what the fuck was that about' face.

We're past the parking lot now, and we're walking on some small street. Clearly, Alice still feels pretty bad about the whole situation, because all of a sudden, I feel a hand grabbing my arm and she's panting as if she's been running after me, and she says, "Sorry I couldn't set Bella up with Jasper, Edward."

"It's okay," and a smile lights up Alice's face as she's comforted by my forgiveness.

I keep on walking, until I hear, "You set me up?" Bella's voice is gasping, almost too shocked at the revelation.

I don't realize the full extent of the damage, but I do know it's bad. Especially by the tears brimming in liquid chocolate. I swallow hard, not knowing how to right this wrong.

I do know that she couldn't just go away from this situation, and I held on to the last thread of sanity I had, because my mind's been having whiplash and all sorts of abuse these past few days, and I know I can't take anymore.

"Edward," she says, her voice breaking, but the conviction is clear, "God, why didn't you just have sex with someone else? Because, if you seriously didn't want to have sex with me, you could've just _told_ me or removed yourself from the equation. _Not _add another person to the mix."

That was a stab, and the burning accusation is too much for me to bear, "No Bella. I didn't mean it like that…" I want to continue, describing why the hell I wouldn't want to want to have sex with her, because – almost every guy I know probably would, hell – even some girls would want to. But, I realize that might just make me sound like I'm describing her as some kind of fucktoy, and she's so much more than that. I stop myself just before the words tumble out of my mouth. I don't know how to word it eloquently, especially with all the tension and the huge reality of this fight getting to me. I eventually settle with, "Maybe… I'm just not the best person to do this."

"Maybe you are," she fires back, hot temper colouring her tone, and angry tears streaming down her face, "Why the hell not? Because I thought we were doing pretty well! I mean, really Edward, we haven't even fucked each other yet!"

She's yelling at me, and her voice definitely rings in my ears, but she's just too far away from me, and we can't leave things like this, but I'm afraid that she'll go. I bite my lip, not knowing how else to control whatever outburst I know that's coming. "I think it could change our friendship, Bella," I whisper, and I'm afraid of the answer.

Bella laughs, a full-blown laugh, but with enough menacing sarcasm and disbelief that it's mean. It hurts, and when I can hear her footsteps retreating, I just crumble. I let go, and I expect a huge outbreak.

Instead, every one of my muscles seems to have lost all feeling, and I'm sitting on the curb of the sidewalk, completely defeated. It's painful and it hurts so much. I can feel my eyes burning, but no tears actually form and it sucks because it's like there's no fucking outlet to release all this… whatever I was feeling. I bury my head into my hands, willing something to give.

I don't know what I was more surprised at, her reaction, or why it's affecting me so much that Bella doesn't want our friendship to change, to become something more. I tried setting her up with Jasper, because that's where I was headed, and I knew she didn't want that, so I tried my best to give her whatever she wanted.

It wasn't enough, though. Clearly. How could I not want her? The fact that she thought that was ridiculous. God, when she told me I could've just removed myself from the situation… didn't she know that I _couldn't_? I tried. I tried so hard to picture myself with someone else, kissing them, hugging them… but the blond hair I'd be cradling would end up into shiny brown eventually. And, I physically _can't_. I don't know what part of me stops me, but I can't do it. I feel like I'm abandoning her and I guess it's a reflex I have from childhood or something – but I cannot let Bella go.

I look up, and I don't see Bella anymore. The streets are empty, and the solitude is a bit lonely, with looming streetlights being my only company.

I chuckle too, now, because it's the only way I know how to react to this seriously fucked up situation… All this time, I was afraid of letting Bella go, when really, I didn't have to.

_She_ already left me.

I close my eyes, and with my knees propped up, I lean against my hand and I stay there, wanting the hurt to get the fuck out.

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**I may just update sooner as well, we'll see how quickly I finish the chapter.**


	6. Falling In

**There's an extremely rare Bella's perspective at the beginning of this chapter. Normally, I like Edward's more, but I felt like Bella's needed to be said.**

**Do not assume anything that you read, things may be different than what they seem!**

**This chapter's a bit shorter, I apologize for that.**

**Chapter 5, Falling In**

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_**-- Bella --**_

Tears are streaming down my face, because I can't believe that Edward would reject me in such a harsh way. I understand, and he's probably just trying to spare my feelings, so he does it discreetly… but it just hurts.

He doesn't even want to have_ sex _with me. And, he's a normal, healthy, hormone-driven boy.

I know Edward's really beating himself up over this right now, but I can't go back and apologize, because I can't look at him, and hold in all my confessions.

He says, "I think it could change our friendship."

And I want to cry right there, because of course it will change our friendship. Ever since this whole debacle started, it had changed. It morphed into something more and beautiful, and I enjoyed it so much, because we've become closer and friendlier and it's _nice_.

We're hanging out more, and I think I might just have gotten my best friend back.

Apparently, Edward didn't like that.

I laugh, because he's such a clueless boy sometimes, so fucking innocent and straight-edged that he can't realize that I _want_ our friendship to change. I want to go back when Edward was the first one I told that my period had come that month.

I laugh, because if I don't, I'm going to cry. I wrap my sweater around me tighter, and give myself a pathetic hug.

I wipe the snot of my nose onto myself, and whip out my cell phone, dialling Alice. I don't even wait for her to say anything, but I spill out my fucking guts to her, and then, while I'm describing how messed Edward must feel, I'm silently pleading for her to comfort me too.

She hears that silent plea, but, "Blood's thicker than water, Bella. I'm sorry," she whispers and hangs up.

I want to muster some energy to be mad at her, but I can't. I'm spent, and I can totally see where she's coming from.

I wanted to be with Edward right now too.

_**-- Edward --**_

Hours passed, maybe minutes, I actually have no idea, and these really comforting arms wrap around me, and some kind of perfume wafts up my nose. For the first two seconds, I thought it was Bella, but realize that it's Alice.

I release myself from her embrace, questions in my eyes and thanks in my smile, because I never realized how much I needed that hug, how much I needed someone close. I feel super sappy and girly but I don't give it another thought.

"Bella called me to make sure you were okay. I came over as soon as I could, and you wouldn't pick up your cell, and I've been sitting with you like this for the past ten minutes."

_Ten minutes_? My sister smiles that all-knowing, older sibling thing, "You didn't register I was there until a moment ago." Alice's eyes are all sorts of worried, and rimmed with red so I know she's been crying with me too.

I want to explain to her, but I can't find the words, but it turns out I don't need to. As usual, somehow, Alice knows what's happened.

"Alice, I'm so fucked. I can't even look another woman anymore. I just see _her_." It even hurts to say her name out loud.

It's sort of bittersweet as she replies, "Maybe because she's the only one that matters."

I'm not so much of a blind idiot that I don't get what she's implying, that I don't know what I'm feeling, that I don't know the reason to all this pain.

"I'm in love with her," and it feels nice to finally admit it, but then that squeezing thing in my chest is just stronger now, as I recall the mean laugh.

Alice stays there with me, as I begin to cry in earnest, because my heart's being broken, slowly, piece by piece.

_**--**_

After I think all the moisture has left my eyes, I talk with my sister, my head in her lap, body sprawled awkwardly on the sidewalk, and I give no mind to the little rocks and uneven pavement beneath my back. She's stroking my hair softly, and it brings me so much comfort that reminds me of Esme's homemade cookies and store-bought half-fat chocolate milk.

"I'm scared too," she says in a half-whisper, so quietly that I almost miss it.

I turn my head up to Alice, taking in the clear gray eyes and not believing I was hearing.

She continues, and I listen intently, "I'm scared too, Edward. I have no idea if Jazz and I are going to work out or not."

I want to protest, because wasn't she the one that was so confident in him this afternoon?

I don't need to, because I guess I display it on my face that she answers, "In every relationship, when you're first starting off, you think he's the one. You think he's perfect, and he's glorious and wonderful… because that's just what girls do. It's the hopeful romantic in me. You think that he might be the one you're going to marry someday, and that he compliments you in all the ways you've never imagined."

She take a deep breath now, and it feels like she's talking to herself now, and I know she's thinking about the motherfucker James that hurt her.

It's a weak smile that greets my stiffening posture, so faint and heart-breaking, "I know I should hold back, not give so much, so fast, so quickly… I don't want to dig myself up in that hole again, and claw myself out… because I am not ready to lay my own coffin. But I do, Edward. I do it again and again. I'm doing that right now for Jasper, and giving him the benefit of the doubt. I do it, maybe not fully because I'm in love with him, but because I believe in love."

I know what she's getting at, I've heard her say this too many times, so I recite what's ingrained into my memory from my dad and from Esme and from Alice, "Love is going out on that limb, taking that chance, over and over again… and letting myself believe, even if I'm most likely going to be hurt."

"Exactly. It's why you'll go after Bella time and time again, Edward. Because you love her… and there's some truth of the saying 'lovesick fool'."

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**We will continue with just Edward's POV… hopefully throughout the whole story. Am I the only one who's being heartbroken, reading this?**

**And, yes, as you can see, the Alice in my story is a bit more mature. Still a hopeful romantic, but not too gullible to think it's all 'rainbows and unicorns', ya?**

**Review for me?**


	7. Desperate Patience

**Only a few chapters left!**

**Just read. There is a lemon. **

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**Chapter 6, Desperate Patience**

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I stay in my apartment, not moping… but reflecting. I didn't want to go find Bella yet, even though I knew I would eventually. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm waiting or what I'm waiting for, I just know I'm not ready to see Bella yet.

But, that's not true either, because I am ready to see Bella. I'm no longer angry, or sad… I've accepted the fact that Bella doesn't feel the same way I do, I just can't believe she just walked away. It's because she _left _me, and it's just hard to accept _that_. I know I could get her, I know Bella's probably not angry at me either, we're both just resigned and tired and fucking sick of this. We haven't even done the sex and already, we're torn apart. I just don't know how to make her stay with me, because I won't be with a girl against her will, it has to be Bella's _choice_. If she didn't want to do this 'friends with benefits' thing, than that's fine.

It's fucking fine.

_**--**_

I have this whole epiphany thing, partly because of Alice's wisdom and her fucking too sensitive of a boyfriend, these past few days have been lonely. I don't want to call up Emmett, because he'd laugh. We're close best friends, he just wouldn't understand – nor do I expect him too.

Actually, in reality, he probably would. But, I don't want him to see me like this. I'm not pathetically crying into my pillow, but I know I'm not… me. It's not even like I suffered a break up heartbreak, but more of a hopeless 'damnit' heartbreak. One that I can't even change, one that wasn't even anybody's fault, so I can't blame anyone.

I know that. I know that I need to get off my lazy ass and go find Bella, but as much as I love her – and I do – I can't do it. Today, Jasper made me realize why.

If I need it to be Bella's choice, in order to get Bella back, she needs to come to me. Or, as Jasper said, "_She_ left. So _she _comes."

That's what I'm doing now. I'm waiting for her. I'm waiting for her, no matter how long it takes.

_**--**_

It's been a week now. Why hasn't she come to me? I want to go to her, because I am more than fucking ready to make this ridiculous fight up. It's not a fight, it's just a lapse. I miss her; I miss her so much more than should be justified. It's strange, because technically, we haven't done anything to make me feel any closer to her, but we've changed.

--

"Dude, what's wrong with you? You've been out of it all week." Emmett's looking at me, and concern's in his eyes, even though he's acting like it's just normal conversation.

"I've fallen in love with a girl," I respond. I want to expand, but I don't want to say anymore.

He sets down his bottle of beer on the table, and I can feel him assessing me, "But, she doesn't love you back?"

"Yeah." I'm nodding my head, then think it's weird how accurate his guess is… because he's not usually that accurate on the first try. I arch an eyebrow to him, and he answers my questioning stare.

"I've fallen for this girl named Rose. She's…"

"Everything?"

"Yeah dude, yeah. Because of her, I've turned into a fucking pansy."

I'm more than curious now, and since I don't want to talk anymore about Bella, which I know Emmett knows is the girl, then I talk about this mysterious 'Rose'.

"She soft and gentle like all your other flowers?"

He laughs, "Hell no. She's different. I mean, she's got a nice rack and nice hair, but she's… different."

I get it. It's unsettling to see how deep this conversation is. "But she's _right_."

"Ya. She is _right_. I don't know though, man. I don't know how to deal with Rose. She has her thorns, a helluva lot, but the petals are soft."

Emmett lists all of the other alluring attributes of this Rose, while I think back to the other day from what I read in the gardening book that Bella had in her hand that day in the mall.

God, that seemed ages ago.

_Growing flowers is simple in theory, but not in real life. You need to rake it, plant it. Sometimes, you don't have to do anything, and it thrives. Sometimes, no matter how much you tend to it, water it, the flower just doesn't grow. Plants are different like that; there is no formula, only advice, only guidelines. You give them space and try to give them what they need and pray it blossoms. Sometimes it does, and it makes it all worth it. _

Martha Stewart might've had something after all… a bit too longwinded, but she had something.

Emmett's back to drawing out long gulps of his bottle and I clank my drink with his, "Here's to hoping we have green thumbs."

_**--**_

It's been nine days since I last saw Bella, but I do have a feeling she's going to come today.

She doesn't, though.

_**--**_

I go out to fetch my takeout, because I need the fresh air and the quick walk to the Chinese store across the street. I come back and I'm surprised to see a figure at my door, in the hallway of the floor of my apartment.

I know it's Bella, but it's still surprising, and I feel my breaths quickening. Evidently she hears me, and she looks up at me.

I get lost in her eyes. "You do know that the door's open, right?" _It always is for you._

"Yeah, I do."

--

She's kissing my neck, wet and warm and it feels so good. I can't remember where I left the takeout, but it doesn't matter, because I have a hunger for something all together different.

It's fast and primal and we're rough. I'm ripping her shirt, and I hear the rips but I don't connect it until I feel only soft lace on my chest, and I groan. God, I missed her so much. I need her closer. So much closer.

She's almost climbing on top of me, and my hands are holding onto her face tightly, making sure that Bella never goes anywhere, and I kiss her, because she tastes so good. It's the most addictive cinnamon and chocolate combination and it fires me.

Her warm hands are touching everywhere, scratching, pinching my nipples and my eyes are fluttering and my knees are buckling and I grab her breasts and somehow manage enough coordination to get her sexy bra off and makes her moan my name loudly. I concentrate on her sounds because I can't concentrate on what she's doing with her hands, going side to side from hip to hip, skimming underneath my waistband…

I want to take it slow, but I can't. Her cheeks are stained delightfully pink, her lips wet and begging to be kissed, I can't take it. I need more. She's continuing her sensual of hot breath on my neck and then blowing cool air that it's making my nerves all frazzled.

My nose is at her jaw and I'm just skimming over her jaw, going over the motions with her fast heartbeat. All of a sudden, she moves away and Edward has half a mind to shout and pull her back, but then her lips are plump and they're sucking on his fingers and he lies down, not believing this was even happening. Bella's tongue is doing swirling motions and lovely suction and I swear I'm ready to come in my pants at this rate.

"Edward." And her voice is low and husky that I can feel the lust dripping from it.

I need more. I need to have her, but then her lips are barely brushing mine, and I open my eyes. _Why was she denying me?_

I'm shuddering with want and need and goddamnit… what the hell is she doing? I flip her over roughly and skim my hands over her hips and unbuckle her jeans and throw them somewhere in my bedroom. Suddenly her hands are in my boxers, touching me gently and it drives me fucking insane. Bella's hands are a seductive weapon, and I'm completely helpless against it.

I wish she would just get a firmer grip, and I realize that maybe my boxers are in the way, so I whip them off, and I cry out because it feels so fucking good. Even though she's under me, Bella has complete control, she's nibbling and biting gently my ears and my collarbone and I can only brace myself on my elbows resting on the bed so I don't crush her. I hear the sucking noises of her moist mouth, and oh my fucking god, I cannot handle anymore.

I grab her and just sheath myself into her wetness, willing myself not to crack under the clenching and the tightness. I thrust into her roughly, and her hands are clawing and my hands are groping and it's slightly painful but the sting just adds into the overall sensation, and raspy moans fill the air.

I'm completely and utterly lost, and now my hair is being pulled and… fuck… her look is so hungry and feral and fucking sexy, I thrust faster and harder, and I hear cries, but I don't know who's enjoying themselves more.

I can only concentrate, but Bella's squirming, so I grab her hips so I can move more forcefully because now I have some sort of anchor to hold onto. But now Bella's tongue is even more talented, sweeping across my mouth and delving in, and all the pent up tension is more than I can bear.

I'm palming her ass and her breasts and she's fucking my tongue, and I'm pulling her closer so she's arching on the bed and she's pulling at my shoulders and neck to get me closer.

We're desperate and needy in this lustful haze, and Bella tastes more like cinnamon more. I keep moving, because I'm close, so close but then her muscles clench even tighter and I give.

We both orgasm and we're breathless and still not down from our high, but we're still rubbing against each other that it kinda hurts. I remove myself from her grip and my head falls back into the pillow and I'm completely satisfied and smiling, even though there's something nagging me.

I know that the both of us haven't had much rest in the past few days so I kiss Bella gently and then we're going to rest. I tuck an errant strand of hair behind her hair and smile, because… damn, that was a good fuck.

But then her leg brushes against mine… and we do it all over again, much harder than the last time.

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**That was my first time ever writing a lemon, so I'm nervous and excited and anxious for your response.**

**Put me out of my misery and review?**


	8. Cut me Open

**Dedicated to the people who motivate me to write.**

**So, this story was planned at 10 chapters, but I started writing, and it just felt right to end it here.**

I know I forgot to reply to reviews this week, I apologize, it's been super crazy. But enjoy, okay?

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**Chapter 7, Cut me open**

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I cannot move. I'm not so much in pain, but soreness. I try to get up and my muscles are protesting loudly while I only see my green comforter and white pillows beside me and I have a sudden panic attack because where's Bella?

I jump off the bed, until I hear pots clanging in the kitchen and I know she's there probably whipping up a some kind of delicious breakfast and I'm glad it's the weekend, because this is the life.

I go shower, because I smell disgusting, like sweat and sex and orgasms. I get my clothes and close the door and take my time in the shower, now a bit nervous now that it's morning. And fuck my back, because there are scratches parallel to my spine, but they're not too bad, so I let the warm water soothe and heal the shallow cuts. I check my body for any other injuries and am slightly pleased and disappointed that there aren't any more.

I dry off and get dressed and find my girl in a kitchen, all backless glory with only a bow tie from an apron tied behind her back. She's naked and shy, and the apron is sinful – enough to cover her nipples, but not her breasts. It's short and sweet, and I want her again.

I sit at the kitchen table, and it's then I notice the marks. The light dusting of purple on her hip, and scratches on her shoulders. It's disgusting and horrifying… I'm disgusted and horrified at what I did, because I hurt her. It looks like I tortured Bella.

She notices the change in my expression, I'm sure, and she comes closer, and why the fuck is she doing that, because she should be running away from me right now, so why is she holding onto my forearm? Why are her lips moving, saying words of comfort and sweetness, when I should be doing that?

"I wanted this. In no way, can you blame yourself for this, because I wanted it. I liked it. I enjoyed it. I asked for more. Do you understand me, Edward?"

I don't understand. Because, I promised myself I would never hurt the girl I love… and I did.

She's pleading now, eyes wide and watery, and I made her sad, now too. So, I nod, and say I get it, because I don't like seeing her sad. Bella knows I'm faking, though, so she says something that really gets to me.

"Edward. If you hurt me, then I hurt you too."

And, I'm shaking my head, because she didn't hurt me. The scratches are nothing I couldn't handle, and I liked it. I would never blame her… and I get it.

I smile at the absurdity, of my stupidity. Still, I'm stubborn, and I like Bella like this, close and comforting, because maybe, just maybe, I'm still worried that she'll leave me, even though I know – logically – she won't. So, I still argue, because I want to hear her protests.

"No Bella, it's not what you deserve," I'm trying to convey to her the importance of what we've done. Of the sex, and what it means.

She gives me a coy smile with hooded eyes and says, "So, why don't you show me what I do deserve?" Her legs move on top of my lap to straddle me, and I forget what my witty ass response.

I smile, and push her gently on top of the table, laying her out and nibbling her skin all over and it doesn't take long before she's in the mood. She's squealing and happy, and I swirl my tongue on her neck, before blowing cool air. I make sure my hands haven't untied the apron yet, no matter how much I want to, and just grazing her breasts, and careful not to pinch her nipple. I know how to work my mouth and my teeth grazes her throat, and I feel animalistic and man, because I'm treating my girl right.

It's then that I vow to make this experience amazing for her, because I love her, so much, even if she doesn't know it… and I want to make it good for her. Better. The best.

I'm gently biting and kissing her collarbone now, and she's moaning in feminine seduction and I catch my breath too, trying to control myself. I almost want to carry her back to bed, because the table's really hard, but then she's whimpering for more… and I can't deny her anything but to continue my movements.

"Edward, please," and she's shifting on the table, somehow willing the apron to fall off, so I oblige and slip my hands under and lightly brush her hard nipples. We're panting, she's bare and I'm heating up. I am so lucky and grateful that she's here, beneath me, writhing and legs inviting.

For a moment, I did nothing but stare, because she was so damn beautiful and sexy and shy and I wanted to capture her heavy breaths in my memory and dilated pupils and want in her eyes is just too delicious to not be connected skin to skin. I unbutton my shirt eagerly, and a laugh escapes Bella, even in her state, as she's looking at me.

I'm a bit annoyed now, because I'm in a rush, and since when were buttons so hard to get out? She's laughing out right now, and sitting back up on the table, glorious breasts jiggling with each movement. I laugh too, because, I suppose it is funny. It is damned near impossible to get a button stuck, and I did in the most inopportune time.

"God, Edward, you're silly. Is it really that hard?"

"That's what she said!"

--

We're in bed. Bella's motioning me to lay down, so I do, and she climbs on top of me, and peppers kisses all over my face, my scruffy jaw and everything, and it feels sweet and warm, and I smile. "Thank you, Edward." Her hair is surrounding us, a warm sweet-smelling curtain of our own privacy. Her face is above me, glowing and radiant, and smiling and happy and europhic, and I know that I will never question why I'm in love with this girl.

I'm clearly still a mess, because I have no idea what she's thanking me for. "Thank you Edward, for forgiving me. For not turning away. For not leaving. For waiting. For being here."

For some reason, I'm suddenly caught with emotion, and I don't know if I like the moisture starting to gather in my eyes. I, however, cannot resist the absolute cheesiness of this moment, so I bite her nose gently, playfully, and she laughs, a lovely giggle - and I use that to cover the memory I have of that mean laugh from the other night - a night that seemed so long ago.

I move away from that, because Bella's lips are right there, and we kiss gently, languidly, as if this is just the beginning.

And it is, I know it is. She's licking my collarbone now, and it's sweet and lovely, until I feel her teeth and oh-

_Okay._

Biting and nipping it is.

I can't even breathe properly, because this girl can turn me on like a switch light. My cock is twitching and just itching to get back into Bella's sweet body, so I get ready to flip her over.

Then she moves over me, and starts kissing my chest, paying attention to my pecs and nipples and warm mouth sucking. _Oh dear lord;_ I'm thinking, as my eyes roll to the back of my head, because it feels absolutely fucking amazing and I know I'm not going to last long.

Her legs are long and wraps around mine, and my fingers are clutched to the bedsheets, not wanting to yank on Bella's hair. Where the hell did she learn this?

Then, Bella's using her teeth to scrape my hipbone and I'm choking on my moans to hiss and I want to kiss the sweet girl so badly.

She's now kissing all over my leg, up and down and nowhere where I want her most… but everywhere else. Bella's pulling out all the stops, breathing, kissing, sucking… and god damnit, why won't she touch my dick?

Now she's using her nose to nuzzle me, and I groan from the sensation, and I've never wanted head so badly in my life.

Then she's moving her mouth over me, and she's not holding back, plunging me into tight, warm, wetness and out, and a little of teeth scraping and I'm moaning and groaning and I love this girl more than ever at this moment.

She's a bit shy, though, and I don't know what I can do to encourage her, if I could even speak. But it's not enough. I'm right there, but she's not giving me enough.

Wanting her to give up, I pull her up and kiss her nose, and hopes she doesn't realize that I'm not yet quite satisfied yet.

She's now replacing her mouth with her hand, aggressive and pulling, and I want to laugh, because if her mouth can't do it, then how can her hand… oh. Wow.

Turns out her hand can.

I kiss her senseless, because that's so wonderful and I feel completely blessed out and I am so in love with this girl.

Bella nods, and bites her lip and I find it extremely sexy that she does and she's smiling shyly, "I know Edward. I know."

I didn't mean to say that out loud, because I mean it. I'm looking at Bella now, and I'm almost expecting for her to say it back.

She doesn't, though, and she knows that I'm slightly disappointed.

"Edward, I'm not in love with you. Not yet. But, I'd like to try," she says it with sincerity and it's earnest and lovely and what the hell am I supposed to do? Refuse the girl the chance to love me?

I don't.

And, then she laughs a sweet melody and kisses me, and faintly, her breath smells kind of like bubblegum.

But, that could just be the toothpaste talking.

* * *

The end! Thank you for joining me on this journey of a short story. It satisfies the summary.

This was just a little dip in the Twilight fandom, just to get used to all of this. Maybe next time, I'll plan for a much more longer storyline!

**Thanks again. Review for me? One last time?**

**And join me on the next story I have planned... ???**

Connie


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